Hello my fellow followers of few,
Ive been feeling odd; depressed almost. I havent been sticking to my usual routine. Ive gone off randomly into uncharted waters. I think I figured out my problem. I think that I disregarded my own rules and fell in love when I knew it was a pointless thing to do. I had already known I couldnt be loved like I wanted, but was still hopeful. I was put into situations with this person that made it seem like there was hope, a slight chance. Hope was my downfall. It was that leg that tripped me and sent me plummeting down the spiraling stairs. I am better now. Ive figured out what was wrong with me. It took me a short period of time to stamp out that ridiculous idea of being loved by a ridiculous person whom I know could never possibly be mine. I smiled more today than Ive done in a long while and I didnt even interact with a single person all day. I am probably the last person on the planet to admit to falling in love. I hate the very idea of letting another person control my actions and influence my decisions, so its strange for me to admit it now. The idea of giving part of my soul to another person only to watch them tear it to little bits is maddening. It leaves me feeling empty.
It was wonderful waking up late because I skipped school. I woke up just in time to make lunch. It was the first time in weeks I could stomach a full meal. It was a lunch I had made many times before, but it made me happy when I realized I could actually finish eating it. Lately food has been a nightmare. I could hardly stomach anything at all without wanting to throw up. Today I danced to music in my head. I wonder if maybe this sudden spike of happiness is a sign that Im getting better, or just a random moment of relief until I dive back into the way I was yesterday.
People are the disease. They get under your skin and are almost impossible to get out. The funny thing is sometimes they dont want to be there, but because you think about them every day, almost every hour, they cant escape you.
I think Im going to stick with the people who tell me they love me. I wont have to chase foolish hope. The almost two months of sickness have finally ended. I am mentally well again. I am not as strong as I am usually, but if Im truly better, I will be in a few days. I can eat, sleep, and focus again. I cant quite keep full control of my thoughts and steer them away from fallacy and illogical instances, but I am close.
Adieu,
Alexia Po.
If you have time, pray for me. For my strength, my wellness, and that I will be able to succeed where I think I will most likely fail.
Things to do:

Lucus in White for

s tag.
Pictures for:

,

,

, and possibly

If Im missing anything, let me know.
Previous Page12345...Next Page